Unlearning the Strong Black Woman Narrative: Why It’s the Mindset Shift You Can’t Afford to Ignore
The Strong Black Woman (SBW) narrative is a script we didn’t write, but we’ve been performing it flawlessly. We push through exhaustion, overextend ourselves for everyone else, and treat rest like a privilege instead of a necessity. But here’s the real question: Who told us we had to live like this?
If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve felt it—the weight of being “the strong one.” The one who keeps going even when she’s breaking. The one who’s expected to hold it together, no matter the cost. But what if I told you that this is mindset work before it’s anything else? And that the behaviors we associate with being a Strong Black Woman—overworking, overextending, and over-functioning—are just symptoms of a belief system that’s been running the show?
It’s time to unlearn that shit.
The SBW Narrative is Mindset Work: Thoughts Shape Behavior
Here’s the truth: Your behaviors follow your beliefs. If you believe rest is lazy, you’ll work yourself into the ground. If you believe you have to earn love through labor, you’ll keep showing up for people who drain you. If you believe slowing down means falling behind, you’ll run yourself ragged trying to keep up.
The SBW narrative didn’t just hand us behaviors—it handed us a set of rules about who we have to be to be worthy. It told us that:
Strength means suffering.
Rest is for the weak.
Success requires self-sacrifice.
We are only as valuable as our productivity.
But let’s be real—none of that is serving us. These beliefs keep us trapped in cycles of burnout, resentment, and exhaustion. They convince us that we have to earn our peace, our softness, and even our joy. But here’s what I know for sure: We do not have to suffer to prove we are worthy.
Why Unlearning the SBW Narrative is Essential for Black Women’s Wellness
Black women don’t just need more self-care; we need self-liberation. And liberation starts with unlearning.
If we don’t challenge the SBW script, we keep passing it down. We keep raising daughters who believe they have to be “strong” to survive. We keep modeling relationships where we carry everything and get nothing in return. We keep normalizing exhaustion as the price of being a Black woman.
But what if wellness wasn’t just a luxury—it was our birthright?
What if being a “well Black woman” meant:
✔️ Redefining strength as knowing when to rest, say no, and prioritize yourself.
✔️ Reclaiming your time from workplaces and relationships that demand more than they give.
✔️ Resting without guilt because rest is a form of resistance.
✔️ Unlearning the urge to over-function and recognizing that your worth is not tied to what you do for others.
This is not about abandoning strength—it’s about reappropriating it. Strength is not suffering. Strength is knowing when to stop, when to breathe, when to demand better.
Reappropriating Strength: A New Definition of Power
If strength doesn’t mean suffering, what does it mean? Reappropriating strength is about shifting from survival mode to intentional, liberated living. It’s about making decisions from a place of power, not pressure.
Action Steps to Reappropriate Strength:
Recognizing Your Catalyst Moments for Change
Every Strong Black Woman reaches a breaking point—a health scare, a job loss, a moment when you realize you can’t keep running on fumes. Instead of ignoring these moments, use them as fuel for transformation. Your breaking point can be your breakthrough.Navigating New Ways of Asking for Help
If you’ve been conditioned to believe you can’t rely on anyone, learning to ask for help is radical. Start small. Delegate at work. Ask a friend for support. Let go of the guilt that tells you you’re failing when you lean on others. Strength is knowing when to receive as much as you give.Combating the SBW Stereotype and Navigating Intersectionality
Being both Black and a woman means we carry double the weight of expectations. We are often expected to be resilient and unshakable. But what if balance mattered more than resilience? Finding balance means rejecting the pressure to always be "on"—and instead, choosing rest, joy, and wholeness on your own terms.
Redefining the Strong Black Woman: Moving from Survival to Thriving
Unlearning the SBW narrative requires more than rejecting old beliefs—it requires redefining what it means to be a Black woman. This is about who you choose to be outside of society’s expectations.
Action Steps to Redefine Black Womanhood:
Centering Self
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Put yourself first. This isn’t selfish—it’s essential. When you start centering your needs, your boundaries become clearer, and your energy is no longer drained by people who expect you to give endlessly.Becoming a Self-Advocate
Speak up. Set boundaries. Demand better. Whether it’s in relationships, workplaces, or healthcare settings, advocating for yourself is a skill. Start small—say no to unnecessary meetings, negotiate for what you deserve, and stand firm in your worth.Becoming Self-Aware
Notice your patterns. What triggers your over-functioning? Where do you still seek validation? Self-awareness is the first step to real change. The more you recognize the internalized beliefs driving your actions, the easier it is to disrupt them.Navigating External Expectations (Family and Society)
Your family may not understand your shift. Your friends may still expect you to be “the strong one.” That’s okay. You are not responsible for making everyone comfortable with your growth. Your job is to choose liberation over legacy burdens.Intentional Focus on Growing the Self
Personal development isn’t just about climbing the career ladder—it’s about expanding your sense of self. Invest in therapy, mentorship, and spaces that pour into you instead of draining you. Growth requires intention.Letting Go of Indoctrination
The SBW narrative was given to us—it was not chosen by us. Let it go. Your worth is not in your labor. Your value is not in how much you endure. Choosing yourself, choosing ease, and choosing rest are acts of rebellion. And we deserve that freedom.
Unlearning the SBW Narrative is Unlearning Survival Mode
We weren’t meant to live in survival mode forever. Survival mode is for moments, not lifetimes.
So let’s rewrite the narrative. Not just for us, but for the Black women coming after us. For the daughters, the mentees, the clients, the students, and the future generations who deserve to see that strength doesn’t have to come at the cost of self-sacrifice.
Because a well Black woman is an unstoppable Black woman.
Ready to Unlearn That Sh*t?
If this hit home, you’re not alone. This is the work I do inside Unlearn That Sh*t: The Psychology of the Strong Black Woman—a 6-week audio course where we break this narrative down and build something better in its place. If you’re ready to stop just surviving and start thriving, come join me.
Because wellness isn’t just for other people. It’s for us, too.
